For Humanity

The very dear architect friend sent me a video, which I shall now test my technological skills and try embed a video here. Now, let's see..



Oh, there we go. Google teaches you everything these days.

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I love the concept of a professional skill being for humanity.

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Being back, I've been more than frustrated that the world right in front of me is so rich. Or perhaps, how the world in front of me appears to be rich.

Okay, no surprise. It's just me being bitter about life knowing that I will never be able to afford a lifestyle so luxurious, that you do not have to think thrice about buying myself a Coach. At least, the path I want to take now will leave me with a slim chance of being able to afford much, what more a branded handbag.

And the generic goal of life seems to be how to earn more money, and which course you take in university would pay you more, and which career path should you take to land yourself on the right rung of the corporate ladder..

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But what goes unnoticed is the rest of the world that are not rich, that are barely surviving, and they who really are in need of that professional skill we have in our hands.

And we had that chance of pursuing a level of education that they might never be able to have, if their current state of life continues to persist.

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And that.. was an inspiring video. And very inspiring people who listen to the needs of the people they are serving, and are not too proud to change their ideas to suit what's needed by the people.

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"Mummy, when I grow up.. I wana be like that too!"

H.

H for Hey!

H for Home!

Hey! I'm Home!

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One of the first beautiful things I saw upon touchdown at KLIA was a pair of nurses who were in the aerotrain heading towards where we were heading. What was beautiful about them was how one of them was Malay, and the other was Indian. The hurriedly got off their seats and walked toward the wrong exit.. and upon realizing they were about to hit into a wall, they quickly turned around, giggled, and ran the opposite direction together. They were both wearing the same jacket (not part of their uniform, mind you), so cute.

And during the flight, we were served by a very kind Malay air steward who midway through the trip smuggled 6 big packets (consisting of little individual packets inside) of yummy salted peanuts that they always give during the start of the journey. We were Chinese and Indian (or, half Indian and a mix of many other things ;)).

I smiled when I saw two Indian families dining at Restoran Soon Tuck just outside where I live.

And how this Malay man working for Rentokil (a company that kills household pests - no, not children, but termites and those sorts) came to Su-ling's house, and he kindly told us to be careful as we were about to go out. He said that in this festive season, there is an increase of snatch thefts around. As we left, we wished him Selamat Hari Raya, and he beamed at us.

This afternoon, my greeting of Selamat Hari Raya got me two huge beams from this two ladies who were serving me at Bread Story. Their beam was as if this was an unusual greeting coming from one of a Chinese descent.

I've always felt loved when a Malay friend or person greet me Gong Xi Fa Cai when I celebrate my new year. It is always doubly special when it comes from someone of a different race.

I love how I can try to speak in Bahasa, and attempt to put on the Malay slang to my words. And how my Malay friends can add on a Chinese slang and "Ah Moi" me when I see them. And how the Indian Mamak "kai sou" (calculates the final bill) in Chinese.

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It gives me a unique sense of warmth.. and pride that the colours blend so harmoniously.

And it gives me the biggest H word that keeps me sane every time I contemplate buying a ticket to go back to Adelaide..

Hope.

In my despair after hearing so much negativity from friends and family about my return to this land of "no hope", I struggled to reconcile a God worthy to be praised and One who does mighty and wondrous deeds - with the current situation of the nation I am in.

And, (this is really becoming a play of words) in another moment of despair, I was directed to a passage in Habakkuk (another H word! :)), where he was complaining about the situation he was in.


Habakkuk's Complaint
² How long, O LORD, must I call for help, but you do not listen?
Or cry out to you, "Violence!"but you do not save?
³ Why do you make me look at injustice? Why do you tolerate wrong?
Destruction and violence are before me; there is strife, and conflict abounds.
⁴ Therefore the law is paralyzed, and justice never prevails.
The wicked hem in the righteous, so that justice is perverted.

The Lord 's Answer
⁵ "Look at the nations and watch—and be utterly amazed.
For I am going to do something in your days that you would not believe, even if you were told.

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He is doing something in these days.. not me. And He is doing something I wouldn't believe, even if I was told.

Idealism is for the birds. I reckon, perhaps not. We've been promised Hope, soo much Hope for this decaying world.. that if only more of us believe enough in that Hope promised to us, share it around.. and take up our role seriously in making that Hope a reality.. I wonder how much things can and will change.

Hoodnights.

In the Sticky Land :)

Where you wake up from your afternoon nap drenched in sweat. And the layer of oil on your face is enough to fry an egg.

SOOOO HHHHOOOOOTTTTT AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!

But other than that, it has been.. good.

I'm back. I can't believe I'm back and 3 years has passed just like that, but I am.

Have been eating and eating and eating.

And have gone to Ipoh, Taiping, Penang, Singapore, JB, and Labis.

As of now, it is still too hot to continue sitting here to type.

I'm alive and well, and I'll be back on this page soon ;)

Need to shower.

Goh-ing on holidays..

.. and Goh-ed home.

Triple A and Card Games

In attempting to catch up with some people before I go, I recently had the chance to chat with someone a lot senior than I am.

In our little chat, we talked about how some circumstances were downright unfair - and unjust. Being emotional (as always), I got a little upset. What tipped the brewing emo pot over was when I heard the all familiar - "We all just accept it as it is."

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A#1? Annoyance.

Yes, annoyance, literally.

I remember Ps Gary Rucci in one of his sermons asked the whole congregation a few questions to test our levels of annoyance. Slow drivers, bad customer service, rude people, tactless conversations, non-up-to-standard-food, or shopping centers that do not have enough parking bays just when we desperately need one - we all chuckled in agreement.

But when it comes to matters that matter - rape, murder, corruption, injustice, oppression, racism, poverty.. we are hardly as annoyed as when some noob drives at 40kmph on the right lane. Or rather,

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A#2. Apathy.

Perhaps we just. don't. care.

And caring has become costly. Standing up for things that are right and things that matter costs. One's freedom, reputation, lifestyle can be at stake for caring.. too much.

Maybe.. we do care. Just not enough to do anything about things that annoy us.

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A#3. Acceptance.

I sit and wonder about what I should accept - and what I should not. Idealistic tendencies are a laughing stock in this imperfect world. But to what extent should one "just accept" imperfection as it is and not strive for the better, since well, nothing's perfect anyway?

However, in my short-lived 22 years of life with zilch knowledge of what can or cannot be done, I know that in a process of option elimination, "I just accept it the way it is" would be the first to go.

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And it ain't something that's settled by blabbering theoretically anyway. Neither do emotions help. Or a mouth that bypasses the brain most of the time.

It's one such game of strategy. And at the core of which is.. integrity.

Break my heart for what breaks Yours - will always only remain an emotional reaction if it ain't coupled with practical action.

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All these thinking and getting upset makes me restless. And all the more lost at what can be done, if any at all.

Perhaps I should do what's best for now. Sleep.

Nighteos, world of imperfections.

Re: 22

Dear 20,

Funny how I totally forgotten about that letter you wrote, until I was digging up old blog entries. Ah. Didn't know you were so emo then. Then again, in the emo department, nothing much has changed ;)

So. I figured since I have time, I might as well reply you.

Yup. You've officially finished your masters, and you're officially unemployed now. The ecstacy of being a graduate only lasted probably a week. After which, it's not really very fun trying to think of what you can or cannot do.

And yeah. It's 25 days before I go now. How does it feel? Numb, I reckon. I'd really rather be emotionless, than to be sad or happy. I think crying's too energy and time consuming. We shall try to avoid the whole ordeal of tears, yes?

When you were you, you've just left and you were still trying to fit into everything there. Thanks for being determined not to look back, and for trying to fully be here in Adelaide and to enjoy the moments. It's been a year and a half since I've gone home now.. And home feels.. further than what it used to be.

How were the last 2 years? It was way more than awesome. Way more. Since you wrote that letter to me, you've been a part of an exciting committee in OCF.. of which you learnt heaps. Not just from the things you were required to do, but from people who were running the race fervently as well.

And after that, another significant moment was when you jumped on board a missions trip that took you and 3.5 really awesome and fun people over 3 countries in 3 weeks! That was an unbelievable trip away. The way we dragged ourselves out of bed every morning after horribly late nights, the way we did last minute preparations for the kids, the naughty naughty kids we handled (and tried to strangle).. remain a very special memory up till today.

But what's more exciting to you now is what a professor - Dr. Angelita Martini would teach you in your final semester at uni.. The best time before you prepare your mind to go back. And this was what she said - change within a country or within a system cannot happen apolitically.

And that will be one thought that will get you stuck in confusion.

What are my plans now? I don't have any.

Despite the excitement over brain injury, it's gona be hard to get a job because of silly systems that do not recognize people who are any 'lower' than medical doctors. You have to do a PhD, eventually. Or so it is what they require.

What else am I going to do? No, I do not have the slightest clue.

You need connections for a job, they say. But.. where do I start finding connections from? In which field?

What do you really WANT to do?

Some days I think I just completed the wrong course. And some others.. I know that all that couldn't have been a mistake.

Perhaps I'll just have to wait and see how the plan would unfold.

Guy sector. It's still a no-go. But, at this point in time, that's the least of all the concerns I have.

At this point, you hate Adelaide no more. You love it to bits. You love the people it came with more than ever. And these are friends who have been there in the lowest of times, and people who have accepted you - but yet challenged you to grow.

It's time now. Time to get up and get going. About time to return. But it gets more and more disappointing each day.. as you no longer read only about how money is being irresponsibly spent by the authorities. Things have evolved to involve people dying as a result of the political game.

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It's awfully hard now. But one thing I can answer you.. Yes, the journey was worth it. The learning was worth it. The crying was worth it. The laughing was worth it.

The weather forecast of the next season looks like it's still going to be hard, but you know deep down inside there's a little shoot of excitement waiting to sprout. Nurture it, let it sprout. Hopefully it'll bear fruit soon. You've taught me that God is faithful, and He will continue to be.

And knowing that God and His plans are worth following, it won't be long till the sun comes up again. And, it'll be yet another journey that's worthwhile :)

Love,
22.

22

Hi Esther,

Well, waddya know? It's me again. Remember me? I'm you, two years ago.

Ah. Remember now? Cool.

So. How's it like to have finished Masters? You met the guy of your dreams yet? What are your plans now? Are you going to head back to Malaysia soon? How does it feel? Was it great? Ah. I wish you could tell me all about it.

What? How am I feeling now? Ah. I don't know.

It's probably frustration. Hey, guess what? It's exactly a year since we left for Adelaide, well, 3 years for you. But exactly one for me. Last year, or 3 years ago at this time, we were having Magill BBQ Chickens with chips, leftover from lunch. Remember? :) How fast it all seems, huh?

Oh. You remember AaronKhoo? Yeah. He's back in Malaysia for good now. My only comrade from the gang back in HELP. It sucks having to come home now. It's the middle of winter now, and home has taken a whole new definition. Home, is but 4 walls. Literally. I miss human company. No, no. Not just smiley-dileys and having to communicate via Japanese-English electronic dictionary devices. And having to stand up to bossy Salmons, and appear not to be intimidated. Real human communication. Where I can rant about the injustice of the world, and somebody could understand. Leonore's real cold now, you know? How did you pull through?

And oh. Is Masters fun? Are you regretting? Sigh. I hope you're not. I won't know how to pull through if you are. Oh, oh! Remember the cool way of how we got the funding to do Masters? Yeah. I still can't believe it. So much for being so determined to stay in Adelaide for one and a half year max, huh? 3 years! Double what we were thinking about.

Well, remember how Pa got a call from his ex-boss? Yah. When his boss just decided to give him the Toyota Harrier. At no cost at all? Yeah, cool huh? And that Harrier costs at market value exactly how much we will spend in 2 years! Yah. I was shocked to hear that too. And it was right after the day we got the offer letter from Flinders stating how much the fees would cost! Phew!

So, who do you think you are, at 22? Remember how we were asking who we are - at 19? It's been a year now. Haha. I just turned 20 :) Yeah. That was one of the super emo moments, huh. Gosh, how we actually cried so much that night! And the night before! Haha. Well, it was our first year celebrating a birthday overseas. But remember the crazy people who came over at 1 am in the morning so we wouldn't be expecting anything? Well, that was definitely something to remember :) And the day we spent at the beach! With Him, and her thereafter. Way cool, huh?

And oh. About how's Mama and KongKong doing now? Are they still healthy? What about AhMa and KongKong? They cool? Please tell me they are alright. The biggest fear right now is if I will not be able to see or talk to them for the last time before they leave. I pray they are still alright when you're reading this.

Oh yeah. How's Eunice doing now? I miss her terribly now. I just heard she has been driving around in the MyVi. All the way to OneUtama! It has only been a year, and I've missed out on one of her most important moments of growing up. I'm beginning to wonder if coming to Adelaide was worthwhile. What's she studying now? She going strong in her dreams of doing Medicine? Please tell her I desperately want to be with her right now, to just be sisters.

How you feeling about Adelaide right now? Me? At this moment in time, I hate it. I hate how it is robbing me of so many things. And how the things that it is offering me comes with a risk. A risk that I am so afraid of taking. But if I don't take, I'll never experience life to its fullest right here, right now.

How are the YPF-ers doing? I just saw blog posts and photos of church camp that just passed. It hurt so much. I wished I could be there. To be part of what I used to call my family. To be part of sabo-s, and hot Maggi cup noodles, and late night chats. Are you still in touch with them? I suck so badly at long distance communication that I feel so out of place. It sucks to feel like you no longer belong there. Because paths separated inevitably.

I want to be back in familiarity. I want to know what's going on. If only you could tell me all that will take place in the next 2 years, then probably I wouldn't feel so horrible right now. I want to go home. So badly. I am tired from trying to keep up with two places at once.

I want to be back in Malaysia with Pa, Mummy, Eunice, boy, and boo. With friends whom I've grown up with. I want to know what's happening with them back there. But I want to find a grip here as well. I want to enjoy this journey as well.

But I feel I'm neither here nor there. It's so exasperating. I thought I'd quickly finish my year and a half in Adelaide, and return to Malaysia to rejoin those who are back home.

Things have taken a turn. For worse or for better? I guess that depends on what I want to make out of it.

2 years. Please tell me what the next two years hold for me. Because I'm tired. I'm worn out. It's scary. I'm so, so afraid. What if it's the wrong course? What if I can't fit back into the Malaysian community when I'm home? What if I don't fit here in Adelaide? What if I fit right in here in Adelaide?

What if.

Tell me.

I hope this letter finds you well. And happy. And that the journey was great. The risks taken were worth it. I hope it finds you loving with all your heart. Living with all your heart.

Love,
20.