.. says the ticket machine at Gardens, Midvalley :)
15 years ago
Monday, October 19, 2009
Thursday, October 15, 2009
Dream Cheras.
For a long time, I've envied the people living on the greener pastures of Petaling Jaya. Even when you say that two letters "P" and "J", you say it with more air and grace then when you say.. "Cheras". And every time I say I'm from Cheras, you would know what kinda responses I get.
"Hah? Cheras ah? Very jam wan wor that place."
"Cheras ah? A lot of lala-s wan right?"
"Cheras? WAH. SO FAR!"
Okay. That'll be enough for now. I'd probably hurt many-a-feelings if I go on with the list. But yeah, even (apparently), girls from PJ are of a better breed than we from Cheras. And, we get very defensive over the place we were brought up in.
Dreams.
I think we're a generation that has lost the ability to dream.
We are scarred by hurts not of our own. Our parents tell us it is pointless to dream. Their cynicism has rubbed off in our minds. That we dare NOT dream.
Just like how we have absolutely NO reason to be racist. We were NOT there on May the 13th, 1969. We were not the ones hurt by the actions of people then. But we have allowed the hurts of the past be a secondary hurt in our lives today.
Ask the person next to you - "What is your dream?" - and look at that sheepish smile you get. Or that blank face with "Huh? What dream?" - written all over it. We live as if it's out of this world to dream.
But if we truly believe that this place - this world that is fading away - belongs to our Father, and we know His heart for His people who are still living on this side of eternity, wouldn't it be legitimate to DREAM?
And dream Cheras.
Last Sunday, I was convicted when I had a conversation with a very good friend.
Things don't happen by chance, we always say. Do we see it as real in every aspect of our lives? Us Cheras-ians, being born and bred in Cheras (let's not even talk about being born in the bigger geographical area of Malaysia just yet), did not happen by chance. And we upper middle class people (come on, don't kid yourself. If you're reading this from YOUR own computer/laptop with Streamyx, you're so much more well to do than a lot of people), are comfortable where we are.
But we are strategically placed in areas that are brimming over with needs. Economical, social, health, political (yes - political!) needs. And this is OUR chance to dream. And to do something about it.
"Break our hearts for what breaks Yours" - will always remain an emotional statement if we do not couple it with action.
Think globally, act locally.
What are we doing for Cheras today?
And for the non-Cheras-ians who cannot relate to this post.. How about a Dream ______ (insert place of stay) for you?
"Hah? Cheras ah? Very jam wan wor that place."
"Cheras ah? A lot of lala-s wan right?"
"Cheras? WAH. SO FAR!"
Okay. That'll be enough for now. I'd probably hurt many-a-feelings if I go on with the list. But yeah, even (apparently), girls from PJ are of a better breed than we from Cheras. And, we get very defensive over the place we were brought up in.
Dreams.
I think we're a generation that has lost the ability to dream.
We are scarred by hurts not of our own. Our parents tell us it is pointless to dream. Their cynicism has rubbed off in our minds. That we dare NOT dream.
Just like how we have absolutely NO reason to be racist. We were NOT there on May the 13th, 1969. We were not the ones hurt by the actions of people then. But we have allowed the hurts of the past be a secondary hurt in our lives today.
Ask the person next to you - "What is your dream?" - and look at that sheepish smile you get. Or that blank face with "Huh? What dream?" - written all over it. We live as if it's out of this world to dream.
But if we truly believe that this place - this world that is fading away - belongs to our Father, and we know His heart for His people who are still living on this side of eternity, wouldn't it be legitimate to DREAM?
And dream Cheras.
Last Sunday, I was convicted when I had a conversation with a very good friend.
Things don't happen by chance, we always say. Do we see it as real in every aspect of our lives? Us Cheras-ians, being born and bred in Cheras (let's not even talk about being born in the bigger geographical area of Malaysia just yet), did not happen by chance. And we upper middle class people (come on, don't kid yourself. If you're reading this from YOUR own computer/laptop with Streamyx, you're so much more well to do than a lot of people), are comfortable where we are.
But we are strategically placed in areas that are brimming over with needs. Economical, social, health, political (yes - political!) needs. And this is OUR chance to dream. And to do something about it.
"Break our hearts for what breaks Yours" - will always remain an emotional statement if we do not couple it with action.
Think globally, act locally.
What are we doing for Cheras today?
And for the non-Cheras-ians who cannot relate to this post.. How about a Dream ______ (insert place of stay) for you?
Friday, October 2, 2009
Sunday, September 27, 2009
For Humanity
The very dear architect friend sent me a video, which I shall now test my technological skills and try embed a video here. Now, let's see..
Oh, there we go. Google teaches you everything these days.
...
I love the concept of a professional skill being for humanity.
...
Being back, I've been more than frustrated that the world right in front of me is so rich. Or perhaps, how the world in front of me appears to be rich.
Okay, no surprise. It's just me being bitter about life knowing that I will never be able to afford a lifestyle so luxurious, that you do not have to think thrice about buying myself a Coach. At least, the path I want to take now will leave me with a slim chance of being able to afford much, what more a branded handbag.
And the generic goal of life seems to be how to earn more money, and which course you take in university would pay you more, and which career path should you take to land yourself on the right rung of the corporate ladder..
...
But what goes unnoticed is the rest of the world that are not rich, that are barely surviving, and they who really are in need of that professional skill we have in our hands.
And we had that chance of pursuing a level of education that they might never be able to have, if their current state of life continues to persist.
...
And that.. was an inspiring video. And very inspiring people who listen to the needs of the people they are serving, and are not too proud to change their ideas to suit what's needed by the people.
...
"Mummy, when I grow up.. I wana be like that too!"
Oh, there we go. Google teaches you everything these days.
...
I love the concept of a professional skill being for humanity.
...
Being back, I've been more than frustrated that the world right in front of me is so rich. Or perhaps, how the world in front of me appears to be rich.
Okay, no surprise. It's just me being bitter about life knowing that I will never be able to afford a lifestyle so luxurious, that you do not have to think thrice about buying myself a Coach. At least, the path I want to take now will leave me with a slim chance of being able to afford much, what more a branded handbag.
And the generic goal of life seems to be how to earn more money, and which course you take in university would pay you more, and which career path should you take to land yourself on the right rung of the corporate ladder..
...
But what goes unnoticed is the rest of the world that are not rich, that are barely surviving, and they who really are in need of that professional skill we have in our hands.
And we had that chance of pursuing a level of education that they might never be able to have, if their current state of life continues to persist.
...
And that.. was an inspiring video. And very inspiring people who listen to the needs of the people they are serving, and are not too proud to change their ideas to suit what's needed by the people.
...
"Mummy, when I grow up.. I wana be like that too!"
Wednesday, September 9, 2009
H.
H for Hey!
H for Home!
Hey! I'm Home!
...
One of the first beautiful things I saw upon touchdown at KLIA was a pair of nurses who were in the aerotrain heading towards where we were heading. What was beautiful about them was how one of them was Malay, and the other was Indian. The hurriedly got off their seats and walked toward the wrong exit.. and upon realizing they were about to hit into a wall, they quickly turned around, giggled, and ran the opposite direction together. They were both wearing the same jacket (not part of their uniform, mind you), so cute.
And during the flight, we were served by a very kind Malay air steward who midway through the trip smuggled 6 big packets (consisting of little individual packets inside) of yummy salted peanuts that they always give during the start of the journey. We were Chinese and Indian (or, half Indian and a mix of many other things ;)).
I smiled when I saw two Indian families dining at Restoran Soon Tuck just outside where I live.
And how this Malay man working for Rentokil (a company that kills household pests - no, not children, but termites and those sorts) came to Su-ling's house, and he kindly told us to be careful as we were about to go out. He said that in this festive season, there is an increase of snatch thefts around. As we left, we wished him Selamat Hari Raya, and he beamed at us.
This afternoon, my greeting of Selamat Hari Raya got me two huge beams from this two ladies who were serving me at Bread Story. Their beam was as if this was an unusual greeting coming from one of a Chinese descent.
I've always felt loved when a Malay friend or person greet me Gong Xi Fa Cai when I celebrate my new year. It is always doubly special when it comes from someone of a different race.
I love how I can try to speak in Bahasa, and attempt to put on the Malay slang to my words. And how my Malay friends can add on a Chinese slang and "Ah Moi" me when I see them. And how the Indian Mamak "kai sou" (calculates the final bill) in Chinese.
...
It gives me a unique sense of warmth.. and pride that the colours blend so harmoniously.
And it gives me the biggest H word that keeps me sane every time I contemplate buying a ticket to go back to Adelaide..
Hope.
In my despair after hearing so much negativity from friends and family about my return to this land of "no hope", I struggled to reconcile a God worthy to be praised and One who does mighty and wondrous deeds - with the current situation of the nation I am in.
And, (this is really becoming a play of words) in another moment of despair, I was directed to a passage in Habakkuk (another H word! :)), where he was complaining about the situation he was in.
Habakkuk's Complaint
2 How long, O LORD, must I call for help, but you do not listen?
Or cry out to you, "Violence!"but you do not save?
3 Why do you make me look at injustice? Why do you tolerate wrong?
Destruction and violence are before me; there is strife, and conflict abounds.
4 Therefore the law is paralyzed, and justice never prevails.
The wicked hem in the righteous, so that justice is perverted.
The Lord 's Answer
5 "Look at the nations and watch—and be utterly amazed.
For I am going to do something in your days that you would not believe, even if you were told.
H for Home!
Hey! I'm Home!
...
One of the first beautiful things I saw upon touchdown at KLIA was a pair of nurses who were in the aerotrain heading towards where we were heading. What was beautiful about them was how one of them was Malay, and the other was Indian. The hurriedly got off their seats and walked toward the wrong exit.. and upon realizing they were about to hit into a wall, they quickly turned around, giggled, and ran the opposite direction together. They were both wearing the same jacket (not part of their uniform, mind you), so cute.
And during the flight, we were served by a very kind Malay air steward who midway through the trip smuggled 6 big packets (consisting of little individual packets inside) of yummy salted peanuts that they always give during the start of the journey. We were Chinese and Indian (or, half Indian and a mix of many other things ;)).
I smiled when I saw two Indian families dining at Restoran Soon Tuck just outside where I live.
And how this Malay man working for Rentokil (a company that kills household pests - no, not children, but termites and those sorts) came to Su-ling's house, and he kindly told us to be careful as we were about to go out. He said that in this festive season, there is an increase of snatch thefts around. As we left, we wished him Selamat Hari Raya, and he beamed at us.
This afternoon, my greeting of Selamat Hari Raya got me two huge beams from this two ladies who were serving me at Bread Story. Their beam was as if this was an unusual greeting coming from one of a Chinese descent.
I've always felt loved when a Malay friend or person greet me Gong Xi Fa Cai when I celebrate my new year. It is always doubly special when it comes from someone of a different race.
I love how I can try to speak in Bahasa, and attempt to put on the Malay slang to my words. And how my Malay friends can add on a Chinese slang and "Ah Moi" me when I see them. And how the Indian Mamak "kai sou" (calculates the final bill) in Chinese.
...
It gives me a unique sense of warmth.. and pride that the colours blend so harmoniously.
And it gives me the biggest H word that keeps me sane every time I contemplate buying a ticket to go back to Adelaide..
Hope.
In my despair after hearing so much negativity from friends and family about my return to this land of "no hope", I struggled to reconcile a God worthy to be praised and One who does mighty and wondrous deeds - with the current situation of the nation I am in.
And, (this is really becoming a play of words) in another moment of despair, I was directed to a passage in Habakkuk (another H word! :)), where he was complaining about the situation he was in.
Habakkuk's Complaint
2 How long, O LORD, must I call for help, but you do not listen?
Or cry out to you, "Violence!"but you do not save?
3 Why do you make me look at injustice? Why do you tolerate wrong?
Destruction and violence are before me; there is strife, and conflict abounds.
4 Therefore the law is paralyzed, and justice never prevails.
The wicked hem in the righteous, so that justice is perverted.
The Lord 's Answer
5 "Look at the nations and watch—and be utterly amazed.
For I am going to do something in your days that you would not believe, even if you were told.
...
He is doing something in these days.. not me. And He is doing something I wouldn't believe, even if I was told.
Idealism is for the birds. I reckon, perhaps not. We've been promised Hope, soo much Hope for this decaying world.. that if only more of us believe enough in that Hope promised to us, share it around.. and take up our role seriously in making that Hope a reality.. I wonder how much things can and will change.
Hoodnights.
Monday, September 7, 2009
In the Sticky Land :)
Where you wake up from your afternoon nap drenched in sweat. And the layer of oil on your face is enough to fry an egg.
SOOOO HHHHOOOOOTTTTT AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!
But other than that, it has been.. good.
I'm back. I can't believe I'm back and 3 years has passed just like that, but I am.
Have been eating and eating and eating.
And have gone to Ipoh, Taiping, Penang, Singapore, JB, and Labis.
As of now, it is still too hot to continue sitting here to type.
I'm alive and well, and I'll be back on this page soon ;)
Need to shower.
SOOOO HHHHOOOOOTTTTT AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!
But other than that, it has been.. good.
I'm back. I can't believe I'm back and 3 years has passed just like that, but I am.
Have been eating and eating and eating.
And have gone to Ipoh, Taiping, Penang, Singapore, JB, and Labis.
As of now, it is still too hot to continue sitting here to type.
I'm alive and well, and I'll be back on this page soon ;)
Need to shower.
Monday, August 17, 2009
Friday, August 7, 2009
Triple A and Card Games
In attempting to catch up with some people before I go, I recently had the chance to chat with someone a lot senior than I am.
In our little chat, we talked about how some circumstances were downright unfair - and unjust. Being emotional (as always), I got a little upset. What tipped the brewing emo pot over was when I heard the all familiar - "We all just accept it as it is."
...
A#1? Annoyance.
Yes, annoyance, literally.
I remember Ps Gary Rucci in one of his sermons asked the whole congregation a few questions to test our levels of annoyance. Slow drivers, bad customer service, rude people, tactless conversations, non-up-to-standard-food, or shopping centers that do not have enough parking bays just when we desperately need one - we all chuckled in agreement.
But when it comes to matters that matter - rape, murder, corruption, injustice, oppression, racism, poverty.. we are hardly as annoyed as when some noob drives at 40kmph on the right lane. Or rather,
...
A#2. Apathy.
Perhaps we just. don't. care.
And caring has become costly. Standing up for things that are right and things that matter costs. One's freedom, reputation, lifestyle can be at stake for caring.. too much.
Maybe.. we do care. Just not enough to do anything about things that annoy us.
...
A#3. Acceptance.
I sit and wonder about what I should accept - and what I should not. Idealistic tendencies are a laughing stock in this imperfect world. But to what extent should one "just accept" imperfection as it is and not strive for the better, since well, nothing's perfect anyway?
However, in my short-lived 22 years of life with zilch knowledge of what can or cannot be done, I know that in a process of option elimination, "I just accept it the way it is" would be the first to go.
...
And it ain't something that's settled by blabbering theoretically anyway. Neither do emotions help. Or a mouth that bypasses the brain most of the time.
It's one such game of strategy. And at the core of which is.. integrity.
Break my heart for what breaks Yours - will always only remain an emotional reaction if it ain't coupled with practical action.
...
All these thinking and getting upset makes me restless. And all the more lost at what can be done, if any at all.
Perhaps I should do what's best for now. Sleep.
Nighteos, world of imperfections.
In our little chat, we talked about how some circumstances were downright unfair - and unjust. Being emotional (as always), I got a little upset. What tipped the brewing emo pot over was when I heard the all familiar - "We all just accept it as it is."
...
A#1? Annoyance.
Yes, annoyance, literally.
I remember Ps Gary Rucci in one of his sermons asked the whole congregation a few questions to test our levels of annoyance. Slow drivers, bad customer service, rude people, tactless conversations, non-up-to-standard-food, or shopping centers that do not have enough parking bays just when we desperately need one - we all chuckled in agreement.
But when it comes to matters that matter - rape, murder, corruption, injustice, oppression, racism, poverty.. we are hardly as annoyed as when some noob drives at 40kmph on the right lane. Or rather,
...
A#2. Apathy.
Perhaps we just. don't. care.
And caring has become costly. Standing up for things that are right and things that matter costs. One's freedom, reputation, lifestyle can be at stake for caring.. too much.
Maybe.. we do care. Just not enough to do anything about things that annoy us.
...
A#3. Acceptance.
I sit and wonder about what I should accept - and what I should not. Idealistic tendencies are a laughing stock in this imperfect world. But to what extent should one "just accept" imperfection as it is and not strive for the better, since well, nothing's perfect anyway?
However, in my short-lived 22 years of life with zilch knowledge of what can or cannot be done, I know that in a process of option elimination, "I just accept it the way it is" would be the first to go.
...
And it ain't something that's settled by blabbering theoretically anyway. Neither do emotions help. Or a mouth that bypasses the brain most of the time.
It's one such game of strategy. And at the core of which is.. integrity.
Break my heart for what breaks Yours - will always only remain an emotional reaction if it ain't coupled with practical action.
...
All these thinking and getting upset makes me restless. And all the more lost at what can be done, if any at all.
Perhaps I should do what's best for now. Sleep.
Nighteos, world of imperfections.
Monday, July 27, 2009
Re: 22
Dear 20,
Funny how I totally forgotten about that letter you wrote, until I was digging up old blog entries. Ah. Didn't know you were so emo then. Then again, in the emo department, nothing much has changed ;)
So. I figured since I have time, I might as well reply you.
Yup. You've officially finished your masters, and you're officially unemployed now. The ecstacy of being a graduate only lasted probably a week. After which, it's not really very fun trying to think of what you can or cannot do.
And yeah. It's 25 days before I go now. How does it feel? Numb, I reckon. I'd really rather be emotionless, than to be sad or happy. I think crying's too energy and time consuming. We shall try to avoid the whole ordeal of tears, yes?
When you were you, you've just left and you were still trying to fit into everything there. Thanks for being determined not to look back, and for trying to fully be here in Adelaide and to enjoy the moments. It's been a year and a half since I've gone home now.. And home feels.. further than what it used to be.
How were the last 2 years? It was way more than awesome. Way more. Since you wrote that letter to me, you've been a part of an exciting committee in OCF.. of which you learnt heaps. Not just from the things you were required to do, but from people who were running the race fervently as well.
And after that, another significant moment was when you jumped on board a missions trip that took you and 3.5 really awesome and fun people over 3 countries in 3 weeks! That was an unbelievable trip away. The way we dragged ourselves out of bed every morning after horribly late nights, the way we did last minute preparations for the kids, the naughty naughty kids we handled (and tried to strangle).. remain a very special memory up till today.
But what's more exciting to you now is what a professor - Dr. Angelita Martini would teach you in your final semester at uni.. The best time before you prepare your mind to go back. And this was what she said - change within a country or within a system cannot happen apolitically.
And that will be one thought that will get you stuck in confusion.
What are my plans now? I don't have any.
Despite the excitement over brain injury, it's gona be hard to get a job because of silly systems that do not recognize people who are any 'lower' than medical doctors. You have to do a PhD, eventually. Or so it is what they require.
What else am I going to do? No, I do not have the slightest clue.
You need connections for a job, they say. But.. where do I start finding connections from? In which field?
What do you really WANT to do?
Some days I think I just completed the wrong course. And some others.. I know that all that couldn't have been a mistake.
Perhaps I'll just have to wait and see how the plan would unfold.
Guy sector. It's still a no-go. But, at this point in time, that's the least of all the concerns I have.
At this point, you hate Adelaide no more. You love it to bits. You love the people it came with more than ever. And these are friends who have been there in the lowest of times, and people who have accepted you - but yet challenged you to grow.
It's time now. Time to get up and get going. About time to return. But it gets more and more disappointing each day.. as you no longer read only about how money is being irresponsibly spent by the authorities. Things have evolved to involve people dying as a result of the political game.
...
It's awfully hard now. But one thing I can answer you.. Yes, the journey was worth it. The learning was worth it. The crying was worth it. The laughing was worth it.
The weather forecast of the next season looks like it's still going to be hard, but you know deep down inside there's a little shoot of excitement waiting to sprout. Nurture it, let it sprout. Hopefully it'll bear fruit soon. You've taught me that God is faithful, and He will continue to be.
And knowing that God and His plans are worth following, it won't be long till the sun comes up again. And, it'll be yet another journey that's worthwhile :)
Love,
22.
Funny how I totally forgotten about that letter you wrote, until I was digging up old blog entries. Ah. Didn't know you were so emo then. Then again, in the emo department, nothing much has changed ;)
So. I figured since I have time, I might as well reply you.
Yup. You've officially finished your masters, and you're officially unemployed now. The ecstacy of being a graduate only lasted probably a week. After which, it's not really very fun trying to think of what you can or cannot do.
And yeah. It's 25 days before I go now. How does it feel? Numb, I reckon. I'd really rather be emotionless, than to be sad or happy. I think crying's too energy and time consuming. We shall try to avoid the whole ordeal of tears, yes?
When you were you, you've just left and you were still trying to fit into everything there. Thanks for being determined not to look back, and for trying to fully be here in Adelaide and to enjoy the moments. It's been a year and a half since I've gone home now.. And home feels.. further than what it used to be.
How were the last 2 years? It was way more than awesome. Way more. Since you wrote that letter to me, you've been a part of an exciting committee in OCF.. of which you learnt heaps. Not just from the things you were required to do, but from people who were running the race fervently as well.
And after that, another significant moment was when you jumped on board a missions trip that took you and 3.5 really awesome and fun people over 3 countries in 3 weeks! That was an unbelievable trip away. The way we dragged ourselves out of bed every morning after horribly late nights, the way we did last minute preparations for the kids, the naughty naughty kids we handled (and tried to strangle).. remain a very special memory up till today.
But what's more exciting to you now is what a professor - Dr. Angelita Martini would teach you in your final semester at uni.. The best time before you prepare your mind to go back. And this was what she said - change within a country or within a system cannot happen apolitically.
And that will be one thought that will get you stuck in confusion.
What are my plans now? I don't have any.
Despite the excitement over brain injury, it's gona be hard to get a job because of silly systems that do not recognize people who are any 'lower' than medical doctors. You have to do a PhD, eventually. Or so it is what they require.
What else am I going to do? No, I do not have the slightest clue.
You need connections for a job, they say. But.. where do I start finding connections from? In which field?
What do you really WANT to do?
Some days I think I just completed the wrong course. And some others.. I know that all that couldn't have been a mistake.
Perhaps I'll just have to wait and see how the plan would unfold.
Guy sector. It's still a no-go. But, at this point in time, that's the least of all the concerns I have.
At this point, you hate Adelaide no more. You love it to bits. You love the people it came with more than ever. And these are friends who have been there in the lowest of times, and people who have accepted you - but yet challenged you to grow.
It's time now. Time to get up and get going. About time to return. But it gets more and more disappointing each day.. as you no longer read only about how money is being irresponsibly spent by the authorities. Things have evolved to involve people dying as a result of the political game.
...
It's awfully hard now. But one thing I can answer you.. Yes, the journey was worth it. The learning was worth it. The crying was worth it. The laughing was worth it.
The weather forecast of the next season looks like it's still going to be hard, but you know deep down inside there's a little shoot of excitement waiting to sprout. Nurture it, let it sprout. Hopefully it'll bear fruit soon. You've taught me that God is faithful, and He will continue to be.
And knowing that God and His plans are worth following, it won't be long till the sun comes up again. And, it'll be yet another journey that's worthwhile :)
Love,
22.
Tuesday, July 7, 2009
22
Hi Esther,
Well, waddya know? It's me again. Remember me? I'm you, two years ago.
Ah. Remember now? Cool.
So. How's it like to have finished Masters? You met the guy of your dreams yet? What are your plans now? Are you going to head back to Malaysia soon? How does it feel? Was it great? Ah. I wish you could tell me all about it.
What? How am I feeling now? Ah. I don't know.
It's probably frustration. Hey, guess what? It's exactly a year since we left for Adelaide, well, 3 years for you. But exactly one for me. Last year, or 3 years ago at this time, we were having Magill BBQ Chickens with chips, leftover from lunch. Remember? :) How fast it all seems, huh?
Oh. You remember AaronKhoo? Yeah. He's back in Malaysia for good now. My only comrade from the gang back in HELP. It sucks having to come home now. It's the middle of winter now, and home has taken a whole new definition. Home, is but 4 walls. Literally. I miss human company. No, no. Not just smiley-dileys and having to communicate via Japanese-English electronic dictionary devices. And having to stand up to bossy Salmons, and appear not to be intimidated. Real human communication. Where I can rant about the injustice of the world, and somebody could understand. Leonore's real cold now, you know? How did you pull through?
And oh. Is Masters fun? Are you regretting? Sigh. I hope you're not. I won't know how to pull through if you are. Oh, oh! Remember the cool way of how we got the funding to do Masters? Yeah. I still can't believe it. So much for being so determined to stay in Adelaide for one and a half year max, huh? 3 years! Double what we were thinking about.
Well, remember how Pa got a call from his ex-boss? Yah. When his boss just decided to give him the Toyota Harrier. At no cost at all? Yeah, cool huh? And that Harrier costs at market value exactly how much we will spend in 2 years! Yah. I was shocked to hear that too. And it was right after the day we got the offer letter from Flinders stating how much the fees would cost! Phew!
So, who do you think you are, at 22? Remember how we were asking who we are - at 19? It's been a year now. Haha. I just turned 20 :) Yeah. That was one of the super emo moments, huh. Gosh, how we actually cried so much that night! And the night before! Haha. Well, it was our first year celebrating a birthday overseas. But remember the crazy people who came over at 1 am in the morning so we wouldn't be expecting anything? Well, that was definitely something to remember :) And the day we spent at the beach! With Him, and her thereafter. Way cool, huh?
And oh. About how's Mama and KongKong doing now? Are they still healthy? What about AhMa and KongKong? They cool? Please tell me they are alright. The biggest fear right now is if I will not be able to see or talk to them for the last time before they leave. I pray they are still alright when you're reading this.
Oh yeah. How's Eunice doing now? I miss her terribly now. I just heard she has been driving around in the MyVi. All the way to OneUtama! It has only been a year, and I've missed out on one of her most important moments of growing up. I'm beginning to wonder if coming to Adelaide was worthwhile. What's she studying now? She going strong in her dreams of doing Medicine? Please tell her I desperately want to be with her right now, to just be sisters.
How you feeling about Adelaide right now? Me? At this moment in time, I hate it. I hate how it is robbing me of so many things. And how the things that it is offering me comes with a risk. A risk that I am so afraid of taking. But if I don't take, I'll never experience life to its fullest right here, right now.
How are the YPF-ers doing? I just saw blog posts and photos of church camp that just passed. It hurt so much. I wished I could be there. To be part of what I used to call my family. To be part of sabo-s, and hot Maggi cup noodles, and late night chats. Are you still in touch with them? I suck so badly at long distance communication that I feel so out of place. It sucks to feel like you no longer belong there. Because paths separated inevitably.
I want to be back in familiarity. I want to know what's going on. If only you could tell me all that will take place in the next 2 years, then probably I wouldn't feel so horrible right now. I want to go home. So badly. I am tired from trying to keep up with two places at once.
I want to be back in Malaysia with Pa, Mummy, Eunice, boy, and boo. With friends whom I've grown up with. I want to know what's happening with them back there. But I want to find a grip here as well. I want to enjoy this journey as well.
But I feel I'm neither here nor there. It's so exasperating. I thought I'd quickly finish my year and a half in Adelaide, and return to Malaysia to rejoin those who are back home.
Things have taken a turn. For worse or for better? I guess that depends on what I want to make out of it.
2 years. Please tell me what the next two years hold for me. Because I'm tired. I'm worn out. It's scary. I'm so, so afraid. What if it's the wrong course? What if I can't fit back into the Malaysian community when I'm home? What if I don't fit here in Adelaide? What if I fit right in here in Adelaide?
What if.
Tell me.
I hope this letter finds you well. And happy. And that the journey was great. The risks taken were worth it. I hope it finds you loving with all your heart. Living with all your heart.
Love,
20.
Well, waddya know? It's me again. Remember me? I'm you, two years ago.
Ah. Remember now? Cool.
So. How's it like to have finished Masters? You met the guy of your dreams yet? What are your plans now? Are you going to head back to Malaysia soon? How does it feel? Was it great? Ah. I wish you could tell me all about it.
What? How am I feeling now? Ah. I don't know.
It's probably frustration. Hey, guess what? It's exactly a year since we left for Adelaide, well, 3 years for you. But exactly one for me. Last year, or 3 years ago at this time, we were having Magill BBQ Chickens with chips, leftover from lunch. Remember? :) How fast it all seems, huh?
Oh. You remember AaronKhoo? Yeah. He's back in Malaysia for good now. My only comrade from the gang back in HELP. It sucks having to come home now. It's the middle of winter now, and home has taken a whole new definition. Home, is but 4 walls. Literally. I miss human company. No, no. Not just smiley-dileys and having to communicate via Japanese-English electronic dictionary devices. And having to stand up to bossy Salmons, and appear not to be intimidated. Real human communication. Where I can rant about the injustice of the world, and somebody could understand. Leonore's real cold now, you know? How did you pull through?
And oh. Is Masters fun? Are you regretting? Sigh. I hope you're not. I won't know how to pull through if you are. Oh, oh! Remember the cool way of how we got the funding to do Masters? Yeah. I still can't believe it. So much for being so determined to stay in Adelaide for one and a half year max, huh? 3 years! Double what we were thinking about.
Well, remember how Pa got a call from his ex-boss? Yah. When his boss just decided to give him the Toyota Harrier. At no cost at all? Yeah, cool huh? And that Harrier costs at market value exactly how much we will spend in 2 years! Yah. I was shocked to hear that too. And it was right after the day we got the offer letter from Flinders stating how much the fees would cost! Phew!
So, who do you think you are, at 22? Remember how we were asking who we are - at 19? It's been a year now. Haha. I just turned 20 :) Yeah. That was one of the super emo moments, huh. Gosh, how we actually cried so much that night! And the night before! Haha. Well, it was our first year celebrating a birthday overseas. But remember the crazy people who came over at 1 am in the morning so we wouldn't be expecting anything? Well, that was definitely something to remember :) And the day we spent at the beach! With Him, and her thereafter. Way cool, huh?
And oh. About how's Mama and KongKong doing now? Are they still healthy? What about AhMa and KongKong? They cool? Please tell me they are alright. The biggest fear right now is if I will not be able to see or talk to them for the last time before they leave. I pray they are still alright when you're reading this.
Oh yeah. How's Eunice doing now? I miss her terribly now. I just heard she has been driving around in the MyVi. All the way to OneUtama! It has only been a year, and I've missed out on one of her most important moments of growing up. I'm beginning to wonder if coming to Adelaide was worthwhile. What's she studying now? She going strong in her dreams of doing Medicine? Please tell her I desperately want to be with her right now, to just be sisters.
How you feeling about Adelaide right now? Me? At this moment in time, I hate it. I hate how it is robbing me of so many things. And how the things that it is offering me comes with a risk. A risk that I am so afraid of taking. But if I don't take, I'll never experience life to its fullest right here, right now.
How are the YPF-ers doing? I just saw blog posts and photos of church camp that just passed. It hurt so much. I wished I could be there. To be part of what I used to call my family. To be part of sabo-s, and hot Maggi cup noodles, and late night chats. Are you still in touch with them? I suck so badly at long distance communication that I feel so out of place. It sucks to feel like you no longer belong there. Because paths separated inevitably.
I want to be back in familiarity. I want to know what's going on. If only you could tell me all that will take place in the next 2 years, then probably I wouldn't feel so horrible right now. I want to go home. So badly. I am tired from trying to keep up with two places at once.
I want to be back in Malaysia with Pa, Mummy, Eunice, boy, and boo. With friends whom I've grown up with. I want to know what's happening with them back there. But I want to find a grip here as well. I want to enjoy this journey as well.
But I feel I'm neither here nor there. It's so exasperating. I thought I'd quickly finish my year and a half in Adelaide, and return to Malaysia to rejoin those who are back home.
Things have taken a turn. For worse or for better? I guess that depends on what I want to make out of it.
2 years. Please tell me what the next two years hold for me. Because I'm tired. I'm worn out. It's scary. I'm so, so afraid. What if it's the wrong course? What if I can't fit back into the Malaysian community when I'm home? What if I don't fit here in Adelaide? What if I fit right in here in Adelaide?
What if.
Tell me.
I hope this letter finds you well. And happy. And that the journey was great. The risks taken were worth it. I hope it finds you loving with all your heart. Living with all your heart.
Love,
20.
Wednesday, June 17, 2009
Tuesday, June 16, 2009
Mengejar HadirMu.
Tis an awesome song..
..twas an awesome camp.. and awesome Sarawakian MTV friends! :)
..twas an awesome camp.. and awesome Sarawakian MTV friends! :)
Sunday, June 14, 2009
Beyond Colours.
Beneath the skin runs something that is indistinguishable by colour. We've all got blood running in us, and we're all people.
Thursday, June 11, 2009
Of Coffee, Peanuts, and my God.
Sat in bed under the covers today. Not wanting to get out.
It's like living in a fridge perpetually right now. Too cold to do anythinggggggggg.
Sat in bed with a steaming cup of coffee, and some nuts. And read.
Have plodded through Judges, Ruth, Samuels and 1 Kings thus far. Reading about the leaders of Israel/Judah and seeing what they were like. This time, with a hidden agenda to find out what good leadership is really all about.
The more I plod through the books, the more depressed and afraid I get. So much of what I read reflects and resonates deep within me.
The bad parts, I mean.
...
I stand with Saul when he was impatient about going into battle, and taking sacrifices into his own hands.. rather than waiting for God's timing.
I stand with Saul when he made rash oaths causing his people to hunger.
I stand with Saul when he was insecure about somebody else being better than him.
I stand with Saul when he did what he thought was pleasing, not what he was told to do.
And whoa. As if it gets better.
...
David? I stand with his pride. And how he numbered his army to feel good about himself.
I stand with his insecurities of needing to hide the wrongs he has consciously done.
...
Asa did well..
.. but not good enough.
I stand with Asa's lack of trust in the God that would bring him the victory he needed. I stand with him being allies with people, rather than his God.
...
I stand.. I stand.. I stand..
...
And I sat under my covers, unwilling to get out of bed.
Too much Wrongs to commit, and not much courage to do the Rights.
And the gravest of all sins (if sin could be grave-tized), is how they all had other gods in their lives - doing much evil in the eyes of the Lord.
How can anyone live on this earth?!
...
I'm glad my salvation doesn't depend on my love for Him.
And I'm glad He loves me.. that much.
...
And I walked out from beneath my covers. Time to start the day!
It's like living in a fridge perpetually right now. Too cold to do anythinggggggggg.
Sat in bed with a steaming cup of coffee, and some nuts. And read.
Have plodded through Judges, Ruth, Samuels and 1 Kings thus far. Reading about the leaders of Israel/Judah and seeing what they were like. This time, with a hidden agenda to find out what good leadership is really all about.
The more I plod through the books, the more depressed and afraid I get. So much of what I read reflects and resonates deep within me.
The bad parts, I mean.
...
I stand with Saul when he was impatient about going into battle, and taking sacrifices into his own hands.. rather than waiting for God's timing.
I stand with Saul when he made rash oaths causing his people to hunger.
I stand with Saul when he was insecure about somebody else being better than him.
I stand with Saul when he did what he thought was pleasing, not what he was told to do.
And whoa. As if it gets better.
...
David? I stand with his pride. And how he numbered his army to feel good about himself.
I stand with his insecurities of needing to hide the wrongs he has consciously done.
...
Asa did well..
.. but not good enough.
I stand with Asa's lack of trust in the God that would bring him the victory he needed. I stand with him being allies with people, rather than his God.
...
I stand.. I stand.. I stand..
...
And I sat under my covers, unwilling to get out of bed.
Too much Wrongs to commit, and not much courage to do the Rights.
And the gravest of all sins (if sin could be grave-tized), is how they all had other gods in their lives - doing much evil in the eyes of the Lord.
How can anyone live on this earth?!
...
I'm glad my salvation doesn't depend on my love for Him.
And I'm glad He loves me.. that much.
...
And I walked out from beneath my covers. Time to start the day!
Wednesday, June 10, 2009
Of Scare-y Details.
I've had the priviledge of having my own office in uni, because of a passing conversation with the course coordinator talking about how far I live from uni (well, it's about 40 bus stops away - an hour and a half by bus that is non-express). And they decided to give me an office complete with a computer, unlimited internet access, and a printer so I can do my work whilst I am in uni! :)
Today I went earlier to return the keys to the office.. because.. I'm finishing uni in 5 days!!! :D
Cleared my Oscar mug, packet of coffee, ginger biscuits, KohKae peanuts, scrap paper.. and contemplated stuffing a whole stack of unused A4 paper in my bag. But then I thought, 'Nahhhh.. I shouldn't be such a cheapskate..'.
So off I went to see Ottaline and passed her my keys and said a very cheery "Goodbye!".
She asked if I finished, and she was surprised that I have. I smiled widely and said "Yes! I'm done next Monday!". And walked (skipped) out of Sturt campus.
10 minutes later, Ottaline called me on my mobile. Urgent matters.
"Hi Esther, I realized that.. you actually haven't.. finished. There's something wrong with your enrolment. Come see me as soon as you can."
...
Jaw dropped.
Heart stopped.
Eyes flopped.
...
Apparently, I'm 3 credits short of graduating.
Aaaahhh. I knew it would happen! After I was so cautious about picking my subjects at the beginning of my term - not wanting to do anything I wasn't interested in.
3 credits short! Means I might have to stay for another semester to make up for the 3 credits!
Raced off to see Ottaline once I was done with lectures, and she sat me down calmly.
I was going to pounce on her in anticipation of a solution to get me out of the situation.
She proceeded to ask if I've got any work experience in the area.
Skipped through the many thoughts in the brain and finally remembered I did work with two boys who had autism for a year and a half.
"Done!" Ottaline said. "We'll give you credits for that. Because your student visa will expire, wouldn't it? It doesn't have to go through any other authorities, just drop us an email about what you've done, and we'll approve it as 3 credit hours."
...
Aaahhh. What a scare! To think that I will have to slog through another semester of hardwork when I'm THIS close to the finish line!
As I was driving home.. it linked!
I remember praying for a job in the area of disabilities, so I can gain much needed work experience in the area whilst studying the theories. And I remember God providing two very lovely families which I worked with for a year and a half.
And the very opportunity to work in BIRCH for 2 months would add weight to my very much needed 3 credit hours.
None of which I had to pay for.
Without which, I'd have to stay back for another term.
And I'm humbled at how He can weave such details together. Details of what I like doing, what I want to do, what I needed to have, and what would happen 2 years down the road..
It's scare-y how details is such a God-thing.
Especially when I've been such a frantic about finishing uni and not knowing what kinda job I'll land myself into. That He'd have to catch my attention in this way.
What a not-so-gentle reminder that if He provided that very specific job I needed to get past this 3-unit ordeal, He'll be able to do so for the next step of my journey.
Thanks, You. I'm awed. Again.
Today I went earlier to return the keys to the office.. because.. I'm finishing uni in 5 days!!! :D
Cleared my Oscar mug, packet of coffee, ginger biscuits, KohKae peanuts, scrap paper.. and contemplated stuffing a whole stack of unused A4 paper in my bag. But then I thought, 'Nahhhh.. I shouldn't be such a cheapskate..'.
So off I went to see Ottaline and passed her my keys and said a very cheery "Goodbye!".
She asked if I finished, and she was surprised that I have. I smiled widely and said "Yes! I'm done next Monday!". And walked (skipped) out of Sturt campus.
10 minutes later, Ottaline called me on my mobile. Urgent matters.
"Hi Esther, I realized that.. you actually haven't.. finished. There's something wrong with your enrolment. Come see me as soon as you can."
...
Jaw dropped.
Heart stopped.
Eyes flopped.
...
Apparently, I'm 3 credits short of graduating.
Aaaahhh. I knew it would happen! After I was so cautious about picking my subjects at the beginning of my term - not wanting to do anything I wasn't interested in.
3 credits short! Means I might have to stay for another semester to make up for the 3 credits!
Raced off to see Ottaline once I was done with lectures, and she sat me down calmly.
I was going to pounce on her in anticipation of a solution to get me out of the situation.
She proceeded to ask if I've got any work experience in the area.
Skipped through the many thoughts in the brain and finally remembered I did work with two boys who had autism for a year and a half.
"Done!" Ottaline said. "We'll give you credits for that. Because your student visa will expire, wouldn't it? It doesn't have to go through any other authorities, just drop us an email about what you've done, and we'll approve it as 3 credit hours."
...
Aaahhh. What a scare! To think that I will have to slog through another semester of hardwork when I'm THIS close to the finish line!
As I was driving home.. it linked!
I remember praying for a job in the area of disabilities, so I can gain much needed work experience in the area whilst studying the theories. And I remember God providing two very lovely families which I worked with for a year and a half.
And the very opportunity to work in BIRCH for 2 months would add weight to my very much needed 3 credit hours.
None of which I had to pay for.
Without which, I'd have to stay back for another term.
And I'm humbled at how He can weave such details together. Details of what I like doing, what I want to do, what I needed to have, and what would happen 2 years down the road..
It's scare-y how details is such a God-thing.
Especially when I've been such a frantic about finishing uni and not knowing what kinda job I'll land myself into. That He'd have to catch my attention in this way.
What a not-so-gentle reminder that if He provided that very specific job I needed to get past this 3-unit ordeal, He'll be able to do so for the next step of my journey.
Thanks, You. I'm awed. Again.
Sunday, June 7, 2009
Walk Me Through..
As the day draws nearer, I get more and more sensitive about things.
Sometimes even the thought of it pricks deep. And I have to consciously put it away in the "Think about it later, live in the moment" box.
It's been playing on my mind a lot, because it is a big thing.
And there is a stark difference between having people cheer you on..
.. and having people walk you through this journey.
I hate the thought of how life paths that once converged, will now separate.
I yearn for certainty. I yearn for continuity.
...
Perhaps passion is a lonely thing.
...
I know I've got the Hebrews 12 cloud cheering me on. People who've been there and finished the race..
.. and I'm so blessed to have people around me cheering me on.
...
But yet I know I have to face this on my own..
.. and perhaps this is a much needed phase of life.
Walk with me..Walk me through. You're the only One who will.
Sometimes even the thought of it pricks deep. And I have to consciously put it away in the "Think about it later, live in the moment" box.
It's been playing on my mind a lot, because it is a big thing.
And there is a stark difference between having people cheer you on..
.. and having people walk you through this journey.
I hate the thought of how life paths that once converged, will now separate.
I yearn for certainty. I yearn for continuity.
...
Perhaps passion is a lonely thing.
...
I know I've got the Hebrews 12 cloud cheering me on. People who've been there and finished the race..
.. and I'm so blessed to have people around me cheering me on.
...
But yet I know I have to face this on my own..
.. and perhaps this is a much needed phase of life.
Walk with me..Walk me through. You're the only One who will.
Friday, June 5, 2009
Wednesday, June 3, 2009
The Moment of Geekness.
Woot. Never thought I'd actually post up quotations. This gave me such a boost in energy when doing my readings for the next paper. Felt like throwing my hands in the air and roaring with enthusiasm.
Roooaaarrrrrrrrr!
"... a corporatist society has structured itself to eliminate citizen participation in public affairs. People are encouraged to mind their own business and not be critical, which is dangerous because 'Criticism is perhaps the citizen's primary weapon in the exercise of her legitimacy. That is why, in this corporatist society, conformism, loyalty, and silence are so admired and rewarded; why criticism is so punished or marginalised'. Public health activity at all levels often involves cirticising the status quo and arguing for change, which threatens established interests ... Saul concludes, 'A citizen-based democracy os built upon participation, which is the very expression of permanent discomfort' (Saul, 1997, p. 195; in Baum, 1998).
I'm morphing into a geek. But I'm loving the process. Love public health. Love it! :)
Roooaaarrrrrrrrr!
"... a corporatist society has structured itself to eliminate citizen participation in public affairs. People are encouraged to mind their own business and not be critical, which is dangerous because 'Criticism is perhaps the citizen's primary weapon in the exercise of her legitimacy. That is why, in this corporatist society, conformism, loyalty, and silence are so admired and rewarded; why criticism is so punished or marginalised'. Public health activity at all levels often involves cirticising the status quo and arguing for change, which threatens established interests ... Saul concludes, 'A citizen-based democracy os built upon participation, which is the very expression of permanent discomfort' (Saul, 1997, p. 195; in Baum, 1998).
I'm morphing into a geek. But I'm loving the process. Love public health. Love it! :)
Tuesday, June 2, 2009
Aiyoyo.
Assignments so hard, can die.
Weather so cold, can die.
Stomach so hungry, can die.
2 months and 19 days left! Die lahhh.
Aiyoyooooo.
Weather so cold, can die.
Stomach so hungry, can die.
2 months and 19 days left! Die lahhh.
Aiyoyooooo.
Friday, May 22, 2009
Too Much..
.. Basil.
Today is one day I feel I miss the Basils heaps.
Basils, you wonder?
It came about on one cold.. autumn's (or was it summer) night. We were having homemade pizza.. with heaps, of basil. Too much, really..
And we had to decide on a group name. Since we need an identity before travelling 20000 miles away to North Asia.
And because we were basil infused that night, under the intoxication of the basil leaves, we named ourselves Too Much Basil, in short.. TMB.
Basils at Singapore Airport.
Basils in Thailand!
Basils in woods in some secluded part of the world. After eating a lot of chilli.
Basils at English Camp 1.
For random's and old times' sake.
Today is one day I feel I miss the Basils heaps.
Basils, you wonder?
It came about on one cold.. autumn's (or was it summer) night. We were having homemade pizza.. with heaps, of basil. Too much, really..
And we had to decide on a group name. Since we need an identity before travelling 20000 miles away to North Asia.
And because we were basil infused that night, under the intoxication of the basil leaves, we named ourselves Too Much Basil, in short.. TMB.
Basils at Adelaide Airport.
Basils at Singapore Airport.
Basils in Thailand!
Basils in Thailand with best Pad Thai that beat Rundle Spices flat!
Basils in woods in some secluded part of the world. After eating a lot of chilli.
Basils at English Camp 1.
Basils with kids from English Camp 2.
Basils at local market.
Basil Heroes.
And Basil #4.5, Raisin Mearty Samson :)
Basil Heroes.
And Basil #4.5, Raisin Mearty Samson :)
For random's and old times' sake.
*Insert Cool Title*
For the sake of not having boring titles like.. Change. Or Hope, you insert a title of your own ;)
We were chatting about change last night. About how very dear people are leaving (or are thinking of leaving). Some of which I haven't heard about. Karen's going to Port Lincoln, Jez to Perth, Yih Ling with thoughts of Brisbane as the next stop.. and Sam, I hear he's got thoughts to change states too.
And for the bleak moment in life, we looked sullenly at each other. That reality of how things never stay the same pinched us a little.
...
Today I celebrate change. I anticipate change. And if change doesn't happen, it'd be disastrous.
As much as I resist change - knowing that people don't stay the same, friendships don't remain.. even favourite places cannot withstand the forces of change.. I'm excited when I think about what change means and what it has brought us thus far.
Yeah, change means that today, we can't walk out alone on our own without fearing rapists and snatch thiefs.
Change means that we're studying in Bahasa Melayu today, rather than the highly sung about English language in schools.
Change means that we have to spend RM 4.00 on a bowl of noodles now, instead of RM 0.10 in our grandparents' time.
Change means you actually need at the very least, a Bachelors degree before you can land yourself a job.
Change brings people to say.. "Gone, were the good ol' days".
...
But change also means that we have abolished slavery.
Change also means that we've got better technology to tackle diseases.
Change also means that more and more people are able to cross borders to learn from one another.
Chamge also means that I don't have to marry a man I have never met before! WOOHOO! :)
And more importantly, change and the eventuality of change means we do not have to accept the injustice and oppression that is happening all around us.
...
Change being the only constant thing in this world means that there is a current already running through the existing things of life.. and our role within change? Is to steer it in the right direction.
Change means we are allowed to imagine equality - without fearing we'd be labeled idealistic.
Change means we are allowed to imagine justice dancing in our streets.
Change means we are allowed to imagine a better future.
Change means we are allowed to hope..
.. and hopefully, change will bring us to say.. "Gone, are the days when injustice and oppression ruled".
Because situations tomorrow will be different from today's. Because if change could take a turn for the worse, it can definitely take a change for the better.
Change has, is, and will take place. It's now a matter of us steering it in the right direction.
I want to ride on that wing of change, and hope to see it turn things around for the better.
Till tomorrow, when change happens.
We were chatting about change last night. About how very dear people are leaving (or are thinking of leaving). Some of which I haven't heard about. Karen's going to Port Lincoln, Jez to Perth, Yih Ling with thoughts of Brisbane as the next stop.. and Sam, I hear he's got thoughts to change states too.
And for the bleak moment in life, we looked sullenly at each other. That reality of how things never stay the same pinched us a little.
...
Today I celebrate change. I anticipate change. And if change doesn't happen, it'd be disastrous.
As much as I resist change - knowing that people don't stay the same, friendships don't remain.. even favourite places cannot withstand the forces of change.. I'm excited when I think about what change means and what it has brought us thus far.
Yeah, change means that today, we can't walk out alone on our own without fearing rapists and snatch thiefs.
Change means that we're studying in Bahasa Melayu today, rather than the highly sung about English language in schools.
Change means that we have to spend RM 4.00 on a bowl of noodles now, instead of RM 0.10 in our grandparents' time.
Change means you actually need at the very least, a Bachelors degree before you can land yourself a job.
Change brings people to say.. "Gone, were the good ol' days".
...
But change also means that we have abolished slavery.
Change also means that we've got better technology to tackle diseases.
Change also means that more and more people are able to cross borders to learn from one another.
Chamge also means that I don't have to marry a man I have never met before! WOOHOO! :)
And more importantly, change and the eventuality of change means we do not have to accept the injustice and oppression that is happening all around us.
...
Change being the only constant thing in this world means that there is a current already running through the existing things of life.. and our role within change? Is to steer it in the right direction.
Change means we are allowed to imagine equality - without fearing we'd be labeled idealistic.
Change means we are allowed to imagine justice dancing in our streets.
Change means we are allowed to imagine a better future.
Change means we are allowed to hope..
.. and hopefully, change will bring us to say.. "Gone, are the days when injustice and oppression ruled".
Because situations tomorrow will be different from today's. Because if change could take a turn for the worse, it can definitely take a change for the better.
Change has, is, and will take place. It's now a matter of us steering it in the right direction.
I want to ride on that wing of change, and hope to see it turn things around for the better.
Till tomorrow, when change happens.
Friday, May 8, 2009
May 7, 2009
The fingers itch to type again.
Dad will freak out if he does check out this blog. Mum's friend's daughter was interrogated by the police for seditious writings on her blog. But well, we're not going there today. (But hey, since when have we become so afraid of saying what we really think, hey?)
Yesterday was.. I don't even have the right adjective to describe it. I sat in front of my laptop the whole day, no, not doing my assignment as I am supposed to.. but waiting for minute-updates of what is happening in Perak. Even signed up for Twitter just to receive the MalaysianInsider updates. It was so hard to contain all the emotions within me.. with no one to turn to or scream at. The dear friend in Ipoh can only giggle at what I was frustrated at. Ish you ;)
Having been recently making the conscious effort to catch up on politics in Malaysia, I've been spending hours (literally) in the mornings reading up on what's happening in Malaysia. Maklumlah.. dah nak balik kampung, kan?
If you do catch up on Malaysian news, you know that after reading it, you will feel worse off than before. Guaranteed.
To watch in action leaders fighting physically over what was meant to be (or what could turn out to be) a peaceful discussion really made me think. And made something in me tick.
The hours of morning news that I read is then countered by reading what happens in biblical times.. and learning about their political system.
Hey, it's valid, okay? Joseph was the Prime Minister, Samson and Samuel were judges, Saul, David, and Solomon were kings, and Esther was well.. the Queen :) Even the prophets were involved in politics - by being the kings' conscience.
And it has been an eye opener thus far.
It has been encouraging, knowing that a major part of the Old Testament was about politics, in today's terms. And to know that God when He said He's the King of kings and the Lord of lords - meant what He said.
But to see how in being a leader, their ups were all related to one common thing: God's position in their lives..
And their downs were also related to similar things: the craving for power, the influence of bad-unedifying relationships, and greed for more.
And I cringed at the thought that I too am faced by the same things the kings faced that brought them down.
I wonder what I will be able to do when I get back. And where to start this looonnnnggggg journey.
Ps. Jon on Sunday said this..
It's not our place to add the super and the extra to the natural and the ordinary.
I cannot agree more. We're called to be who we are. The natural, and the ordinary.
And when we pair up with the Super and the Extra from up above, that's when things start to happen :)
May 7, 2009. How it all turned Black. I'll remember that day. And I'll pass it on.
Dad will freak out if he does check out this blog. Mum's friend's daughter was interrogated by the police for seditious writings on her blog. But well, we're not going there today. (But hey, since when have we become so afraid of saying what we really think, hey?)
Yesterday was.. I don't even have the right adjective to describe it. I sat in front of my laptop the whole day, no, not doing my assignment as I am supposed to.. but waiting for minute-updates of what is happening in Perak. Even signed up for Twitter just to receive the MalaysianInsider updates. It was so hard to contain all the emotions within me.. with no one to turn to or scream at. The dear friend in Ipoh can only giggle at what I was frustrated at. Ish you ;)
Having been recently making the conscious effort to catch up on politics in Malaysia, I've been spending hours (literally) in the mornings reading up on what's happening in Malaysia. Maklumlah.. dah nak balik kampung, kan?
If you do catch up on Malaysian news, you know that after reading it, you will feel worse off than before. Guaranteed.
To watch in action leaders fighting physically over what was meant to be (or what could turn out to be) a peaceful discussion really made me think. And made something in me tick.
The hours of morning news that I read is then countered by reading what happens in biblical times.. and learning about their political system.
Hey, it's valid, okay? Joseph was the Prime Minister, Samson and Samuel were judges, Saul, David, and Solomon were kings, and Esther was well.. the Queen :) Even the prophets were involved in politics - by being the kings' conscience.
And it has been an eye opener thus far.
It has been encouraging, knowing that a major part of the Old Testament was about politics, in today's terms. And to know that God when He said He's the King of kings and the Lord of lords - meant what He said.
But to see how in being a leader, their ups were all related to one common thing: God's position in their lives..
And their downs were also related to similar things: the craving for power, the influence of bad-unedifying relationships, and greed for more.
And I cringed at the thought that I too am faced by the same things the kings faced that brought them down.
I wonder what I will be able to do when I get back. And where to start this looonnnnggggg journey.
Ps. Jon on Sunday said this..
It's not our place to add the super and the extra to the natural and the ordinary.
I cannot agree more. We're called to be who we are. The natural, and the ordinary.
And when we pair up with the Super and the Extra from up above, that's when things start to happen :)
May 7, 2009. How it all turned Black. I'll remember that day. And I'll pass it on.
Wednesday, May 6, 2009
Thursday, April 30, 2009
The Whys of Returning.
Read this again.. And I was reminded about my oblivion of all that is happening in the country I have called home all these years..
Malaysia is home. It is ideal. Because I have yet to see her ugly side. I have yet to experience the depths of disgust at corruption issues, racism, unfair elections, and the like.
That post was written on November 12, 2007. It's the 30th of April today. A year and a half after what I wrote then.
And today, I experience and have been experiencing deeply that depth of disgust at corruption issues, racism, unfair elections.. and the like. And this is what I read about in non-for-government newspapers and sociopolitic blogs. I'm not even there yet.
...
I have been asking the million dollar question, undoubtedly..
Where do YOU want me to go, God?
And the silence was deafening.
It's so much easier if HE tells me where HE wants me to go, so then I don't have to decide on my own, and if at all anything goes wrong.. He's to be responsible.
Okay.. I have to be responsible for my own choices, but you get my drift?
But no. No audible voice. No writings in the sky. No slight nudge even.
The only thing I learn and have been learning about is His heart and His purpose for creation.
Redemption.
It's such a Christian-y word that when people read it, they cringe at what's gona come next. Surely it's another preachy post again.
Perhaps it is.
But I have learnt that redemption has more to offer than that. My God isn't interested only in people becoming Christians just for the sake of it.
He's interested in seeing the hungry fed, the naked clothed, the homeless provided with shelter, the chains of injustice broken, and the oppressed set free (Isaiah 58).
THAT is Redemption. It's not just about becoming Christians and becoming"holy".
Trusting that God made this world, and aches for it to return to the way it is meant to be puts things into perspective.
Yes, this world is bad. Which country isn't bad?
But there is an ultimate hope - that He is doing something about the state of bad-ness this world is in.
And I want to be a part of that.
Malaysia has a looooong way to go in seeing the hungry fed, the naked clothed, the homeless provided with shelter, the chains of injustice broken, and the oppressed set free.
I have learnt that it is really not about being self-centered and finding out what He wants for Me. Surely, there is a place for that.
But it really is about finding out what He wants done, and what His purpose is for His people. And from there, I find mine.
And thus, I have decided to come home.
And the definition of home is another matter altogether. After all, I am but a pilgrim on this earth, no?
...
Having said all of that, I AM worried. I AM scared stiff. I FEAR regret. I cry at the thought of going home. I wonder what life would be like if I were to continue on in Australia.
But I AM excited. I KNOW He hasn't given up on my country. And there are plenty of people running for change. I am but one of many.
Hopefully when I'm 89, I'd live to say that this decision is worth it.
Till the 22nd of August..
P.S. It's the 30th of April today, and it's a huge Happy Birthday to Basil Jez! You've been a totally awesome friend, and I'm glad my journey here in Adelaide has intertwined with your journey. Looking forward to more years ahead, back home probably? ;)
And to my anointed friend back home, happy birthday to you too! :)
Malaysia is home. It is ideal. Because I have yet to see her ugly side. I have yet to experience the depths of disgust at corruption issues, racism, unfair elections, and the like.
That post was written on November 12, 2007. It's the 30th of April today. A year and a half after what I wrote then.
And today, I experience and have been experiencing deeply that depth of disgust at corruption issues, racism, unfair elections.. and the like. And this is what I read about in non-for-government newspapers and sociopolitic blogs. I'm not even there yet.
...
I have been asking the million dollar question, undoubtedly..
Where do YOU want me to go, God?
And the silence was deafening.
It's so much easier if HE tells me where HE wants me to go, so then I don't have to decide on my own, and if at all anything goes wrong.. He's to be responsible.
Okay.. I have to be responsible for my own choices, but you get my drift?
But no. No audible voice. No writings in the sky. No slight nudge even.
The only thing I learn and have been learning about is His heart and His purpose for creation.
Redemption.
It's such a Christian-y word that when people read it, they cringe at what's gona come next. Surely it's another preachy post again.
Perhaps it is.
But I have learnt that redemption has more to offer than that. My God isn't interested only in people becoming Christians just for the sake of it.
He's interested in seeing the hungry fed, the naked clothed, the homeless provided with shelter, the chains of injustice broken, and the oppressed set free (Isaiah 58).
THAT is Redemption. It's not just about becoming Christians and becoming"holy".
Trusting that God made this world, and aches for it to return to the way it is meant to be puts things into perspective.
Yes, this world is bad. Which country isn't bad?
But there is an ultimate hope - that He is doing something about the state of bad-ness this world is in.
And I want to be a part of that.
Malaysia has a looooong way to go in seeing the hungry fed, the naked clothed, the homeless provided with shelter, the chains of injustice broken, and the oppressed set free.
I have learnt that it is really not about being self-centered and finding out what He wants for Me. Surely, there is a place for that.
But it really is about finding out what He wants done, and what His purpose is for His people. And from there, I find mine.
And thus, I have decided to come home.
And the definition of home is another matter altogether. After all, I am but a pilgrim on this earth, no?
...
Having said all of that, I AM worried. I AM scared stiff. I FEAR regret. I cry at the thought of going home. I wonder what life would be like if I were to continue on in Australia.
But I AM excited. I KNOW He hasn't given up on my country. And there are plenty of people running for change. I am but one of many.
Hopefully when I'm 89, I'd live to say that this decision is worth it.
Till the 22nd of August..
P.S. It's the 30th of April today, and it's a huge Happy Birthday to Basil Jez! You've been a totally awesome friend, and I'm glad my journey here in Adelaide has intertwined with your journey. Looking forward to more years ahead, back home probably? ;)
And to my anointed friend back home, happy birthday to you too! :)
Saturday, April 25, 2009
Ogos 22, 2009
Yesterday was attempt no. 1 at booking my one-way flight ticket back to Bolehland.
Upon reaching the payment page on the website, I was too emotional to continue the process. I was sobbing like a beruk, apparently. So, the red X was the best option at that time.
Tonight is attempt no. 2 at booking the same flight ticket back home. Because MAS is going low on their fares now. Which ends at 12am. Have to maintain cheapskate identity! Heh.
And.. I'm going (coming) home.
I am.
On the 22nd of August, 2009.
...
...
...
I don't even know what next to say now. It feels..
.. I can't describe it. Crying like a beruk may give you a hint as to how I feel about going home.
We'll see come the 22nd of August.
We'll see.
Upon reaching the payment page on the website, I was too emotional to continue the process. I was sobbing like a beruk, apparently. So, the red X was the best option at that time.
Tonight is attempt no. 2 at booking the same flight ticket back home. Because MAS is going low on their fares now. Which ends at 12am. Have to maintain cheapskate identity! Heh.
And.. I'm going (coming) home.
I am.
On the 22nd of August, 2009.
...
...
...
I don't even know what next to say now. It feels..
.. I can't describe it. Crying like a beruk may give you a hint as to how I feel about going home.
We'll see come the 22nd of August.
We'll see.
Thursday, April 23, 2009
[e z Z t h e R r]..
..is dying. Of boredom.
Sanguines are not made to stay at home..
..ALONE.
*weeps uncontrollably*
And we are not made to do assignmentS..
*stabs self repeatedly*
Sanguines are not made to stay at home..
..ALONE.
*weeps uncontrollably*
And we are not made to do assignmentS..
*stabs self repeatedly*
Friday, April 17, 2009
I Don't Know.
I remember being in the car, driving home from Mama's house one night.. and I cleverly asked my two kid siblings (at that time)..
Me: You know how to spell 'intelligence' or not? Huh?
Kid siblings: Er.. er.. *gibberish attempts to spell the very-hard-word*
Me: Haha. Like that also dunno.. I-N-T-E-L-L-I-G-E-N-C-E lah.
Woot. And that was attempt no. 1094833284861 to show off that I was smarter than them.
--
And then came the teenage years where.. well, teenagers.. just know.. everything..
You just don't understand how I feel! *wails in tears and stomps off to my room*
Heh. As if they really didn't.
Now, those were the days when parents were the uncoolest things on earth. Because they either:
And now.
In university you spend 3 years on a particular topic. Some that make you laugh whenyou first hear about it. Like for example.. Geology.
...
Kid: Mummy, when I grow up.. I wana become a geologist.
Mum: Oh, alright. What does a geologist do, son?
Kid: They study rocks! :)
Mum: *death stare* NNOOOO-OO-Ooo-oo *(echoes follow suit)*
...
Heh. And by the way, did you know some universities offer courses on Facebook? Woot. How many of us will ace that, I wonder.
The past couple of years have been a journey of learning how to say "I don't know". And sometimes, that just does not click with the ego factor.
Sometimes I find myself frantically trying to find an answer, the right words..
..especially in matters concerning my faith.
And I have learnt that, the moment I say "I know" to everything, is the moment I really don't know..
And the more I know, the more I realize how much I don't know.
Sometimes, "I don't know" will suffice.
And "I don't know" at other times.. can be a turn on ;)
Me: You know how to spell 'intelligence' or not? Huh?
Kid siblings: Er.. er.. *gibberish attempts to spell the very-hard-word*
Me: Haha. Like that also dunno.. I-N-T-E-L-L-I-G-E-N-C-E lah.
Woot. And that was attempt no. 1094833284861 to show off that I was smarter than them.
--
And then came the teenage years where.. well, teenagers.. just know.. everything..
You just don't understand how I feel! *wails in tears and stomps off to my room*
Heh. As if they really didn't.
Now, those were the days when parents were the uncoolest things on earth. Because they either:
- Didn't wear the right clothes.
- Didn't drive the right coloured cars - my dad drove a bright red Volvo, and my mum, a pale blue Proton.. Don't know where to hide face..
- Didn't say the right things - like.. "Eh boy, what is your number? I ask my daughter she dowan to give me.."
- They still wanted to hold your hand in supermarkets!!
- Well.. 'nuff said ;)
And now.
In university you spend 3 years on a particular topic. Some that make you laugh whenyou first hear about it. Like for example.. Geology.
...
Kid: Mummy, when I grow up.. I wana become a geologist.
Mum: Oh, alright. What does a geologist do, son?
Kid: They study rocks! :)
Mum: *death stare* NNOOOO-OO-Ooo-oo *(echoes follow suit)*
...
Heh. And by the way, did you know some universities offer courses on Facebook? Woot. How many of us will ace that, I wonder.
The past couple of years have been a journey of learning how to say "I don't know". And sometimes, that just does not click with the ego factor.
Sometimes I find myself frantically trying to find an answer, the right words..
..especially in matters concerning my faith.
And I have learnt that, the moment I say "I know" to everything, is the moment I really don't know..
And the more I know, the more I realize how much I don't know.
Sometimes, "I don't know" will suffice.
And "I don't know" at other times.. can be a turn on ;)
Tuesday, April 14, 2009
Human Capital Development Plan of Malaysia - A Rakyat's Point of View
Hi there,
I'm a student, currently studying overseas and one of my topics this semester required me to look up Malaysia's development policies. Have never been one who thought much about politics and policies until now.
Looking up the Ninth Malaysia Plan drawn up to move Malaysia toward Wawasan 2020, one of it's main efforts is for Human Capital Development. Upon more curiosity, I decided to read up on this Human Capital Development plan (found on the PM's official website). Amongst the many focuses of this plan is its focus on politics. And it has a sole focus - that is for the creation of Malay leaders who are skilled, respected, admired, and trusted.
I am writing to you to voice my opinion over what's written in our official development policy. How many of us rakyats really take the time to read what our current leaders have planned for the country? How many of us have heard our leaders talking about racial integration and racial equity without reading what's written black and white on government policies for development?
I am not championing a cause of any particular race - because I believe that this upcoming generation should be taught to see beyond skin colour. If we truly want to see our country develop, why not put aside our selfish wants for ourselves and our particular race?
The generations before us have told us that we are the leaders of tomorrow. But what's being invested in us to be Malaysia's future leaders? Why the racial discrimination? Aren't we all Anak Bangsa Malaysia?
Having read the above plans and policies of our government, I know not who to turn. And where to go to voice out for my generation of young people.
If this is not the right place to voice an opinion, I'll keep trying for other avenues.
--
A Malaysian Rakyat.
I'm a student, currently studying overseas and one of my topics this semester required me to look up Malaysia's development policies. Have never been one who thought much about politics and policies until now.
Looking up the Ninth Malaysia Plan drawn up to move Malaysia toward Wawasan 2020, one of it's main efforts is for Human Capital Development. Upon more curiosity, I decided to read up on this Human Capital Development plan (found on the PM's official website). Amongst the many focuses of this plan is its focus on politics. And it has a sole focus - that is for the creation of Malay leaders who are skilled, respected, admired, and trusted.
I am writing to you to voice my opinion over what's written in our official development policy. How many of us rakyats really take the time to read what our current leaders have planned for the country? How many of us have heard our leaders talking about racial integration and racial equity without reading what's written black and white on government policies for development?
I am not championing a cause of any particular race - because I believe that this upcoming generation should be taught to see beyond skin colour. If we truly want to see our country develop, why not put aside our selfish wants for ourselves and our particular race?
The generations before us have told us that we are the leaders of tomorrow. But what's being invested in us to be Malaysia's future leaders? Why the racial discrimination? Aren't we all Anak Bangsa Malaysia?
Having read the above plans and policies of our government, I know not who to turn. And where to go to voice out for my generation of young people.
If this is not the right place to voice an opinion, I'll keep trying for other avenues.
--
A Malaysian Rakyat.
Thursday, April 9, 2009
Again.
And I blog again.
It's a habit that was hard to kill, I reckon. Let's see, I started writing 5 years ago! In 2004.. When I was only 17. And what a difference 5 years make.
This was the first ever post as a blogger:
It still is, in ways.
And *gasps*.. So childish! Haha.
"i know that there's Someone superior behind all that is happening and all that i'm going thru the heartaches, heartbreaks, broken friendships, stress, assignments..."
Hmmm.
And after 5 years of having a blog (plus that one year of being missing in action), I still cannot figure out the reason for blogging. Other than, it's an itch - when thoughts come and fingers are restless.
But yeah. Here's coming back into the world of bloggers again. And this time, with Blogspot! Way better than Xanga, I reckon. Much much easier to tweak around with HTMLs now than before :)
Till later, when the brain can generate more thoughts.
It's a habit that was hard to kill, I reckon. Let's see, I started writing 5 years ago! In 2004.. When I was only 17. And what a difference 5 years make.
This was the first ever post as a blogger:
first time
this is the maddest week of my semester. at times, really really would like to give everything up
. the reality and madness of life. so much feelings are accumulated and shoved aside cuz of time constraint which does not allow me to face them. it's all bubbling up one by one and now, they're all acting against me...tryin to force their way out for me to face them. time time time! i do not have time
.
every single day, there'd be a breaking point
. and i'd just feel like crying. too many things are happening at once! confusion. not knowing whether to be happy or sad.
tough tough. overcoming all obstacles by my own will drive me up the wall. but above all, i know that there's Someone superior behind all that is happening and all that i'm going thru the heartaches, heartbreaks, broken friendships, stress, assignments...all these would definitely turn out for the better. but WHEN
?
me =(
And those were the days when blogging acted as a catharsis tool of all that was pent up.It still is, in ways.
And *gasps*.. So childish! Haha.
"i know that there's Someone superior behind all that is happening and all that i'm going thru the heartaches, heartbreaks, broken friendships, stress, assignments..."
Hmmm.
And after 5 years of having a blog (plus that one year of being missing in action), I still cannot figure out the reason for blogging. Other than, it's an itch - when thoughts come and fingers are restless.
But yeah. Here's coming back into the world of bloggers again. And this time, with Blogspot! Way better than Xanga, I reckon. Much much easier to tweak around with HTMLs now than before :)
Till later, when the brain can generate more thoughts.
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She.
- [ezZtheRr]
- Over-aged chatterbox. Not-tall-enough Asian. Colourful as a clown. Would be a lion if I was an animal. Rawr.