Of Coffee, Peanuts, and my God.

Sat in bed under the covers today. Not wanting to get out.

It's like living in a fridge perpetually right now. Too cold to do anythinggggggggg.

Sat in bed with a steaming cup of coffee, and some nuts. And read.

Have plodded through Judges, Ruth, Samuels and 1 Kings thus far. Reading about the leaders of Israel/Judah and seeing what they were like. This time, with a hidden agenda to find out what good leadership is really all about.

The more I plod through the books, the more depressed and afraid I get. So much of what I read reflects and resonates deep within me.

The bad parts, I mean.

...

I stand with Saul when he was impatient about going into battle, and taking sacrifices into his own hands.. rather than waiting for God's timing.

I stand with Saul when he made rash oaths causing his people to hunger.

I stand with Saul when he was insecure about somebody else being better than him.

I stand with Saul when he did what he thought was pleasing, not what he was told to do.

And whoa. As if it gets better.

...

David? I stand with his pride. And how he numbered his army to feel good about himself.

I stand with his insecurities of needing to hide the wrongs he has consciously done.

...

Asa did well..

.. but not good enough.

I stand with Asa's lack of trust in the God that would bring him the victory he needed. I stand with him being allies with people, rather than his God.

...

I stand.. I stand.. I stand..

...

And I sat under my covers, unwilling to get out of bed.

Too much Wrongs to commit, and not much courage to do the Rights.

And the gravest of all sins (if sin could be grave-tized), is how they all had other gods in their lives - doing much evil in the eyes of the Lord.

How can anyone live on this earth?!

...

I'm glad my salvation doesn't depend on my love for Him.

And I'm glad He loves me.. that much.

...

And I walked out from beneath my covers. Time to start the day!