Dear Malaysia

Thought I'd write to let you know how I'm feeling about you.

I am disappointed. I am sad. I am frustrated. I am angry.

That we have to resort to ways like these. That we have leaders that fan the flames of racism, rather than be good examples. That my friends and I are still called 'pendatang' (foreigners), after so many years.

I did not choose where to be born. I was born here. Right here. Why am I considered an outsider in a land I was born in? Where else am I supposed to go? To Australia? Where I don't even look remotely similar to the locals? Where I have to redefine my accent to be understood?

I'm frustrated. At times, I hate you. With a passion. At times, I wish I could pack up and leave you. Why bother, really.

I am not even remotely proud to be associated with you. I used to be. A long time ago.

But Malaysia, you have no choice, really. I made up my mind, and I'm not changing it. I will not wait for you to acknowledge me. Or to appreciate me, before I start giving to you. Because, perhaps, you never will.

And the newly coined phrase. 1Malaysia. That, defines disgust. It is an utter disgust!

I can't seem to find that love I had for you. My heart cringes at the mention of your name.

But unfortunately, I come from a generation that believes change is possible. A generation that demands to see change. So, too bad for you, really. I believe that things will, sooner or later, change. And I want to stay a little longer.. till I see it happen.

They say what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. The cow-head protests, unfair policies, brainless remarks, church firebombings didn't kill me. So now, I can only be stronger.

I AM stronger. I AM more determined. More than ever before.

I can't bring myself to say, "I love you, Malaysia". Not just yet.

But I hope, one day, this fight would be worth it.

I hope, one day, that I will be able to say, it was worth the effort. Worth the wait. Worth the tears.

Sincerely,
Another one of your pendatangs.